What Are The 3 Steps to Disconnecting from Our Phones and Reconnecting with our Teens

These days, it’s difficult to spend time with the parents of teenagers without hearing derogatory remarks about how our children’s time and attention are being consumed by digital devices. Or how our teenage drivers are making us crazy by texting while driving, putting their lives in danger for a short LOL, WITW, or OMG. All for what (SOW? I don’t think that one will catch on)? If I hadn’t occasionally resisted the temptation to check my own phone in reaction to that alluring buzzing sound, I would consider this pattern of persistently risky conduct to be exclusive to adolescence.

Concerning remarks about the need to reduce the amount of time spent using computers, tablets, and cellphones are common in the media. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has witnessed a young parent holding their baby while texting for blocks. Have you ever been in an elevator full of individuals who are all glued to their devices, typing frantically, rather than participating in the casual interactions that bind us together as a community?

One thing that comes out of the scientific framework of interpersonal neurobiology, which I work in as a psychiatrist and educator, is that our mind is a relational process in addition to being a product of our body and its nervous system, which includes the brain. This implies that our interactions also influence who we are, in addition to the functions of our brains.

The way we exchange information can be used to define relationships. Additionally, that information exchange is reciprocal.

For instance, feeling connected to others, being noticed, and even defining our identities are some of the feelings that might result from texting. Even with our social media profiles, which give us a sense of community, our interactions undoubtedly determine who we are.

More importantly, these exchanges show how our relationships can shape our sense of ourselves.

As a father, I have found it both fascinating and somewhat daunting to integrate research on development, the process by which we become who we are, with parenting techniques in our household. My wife and I decided to attempt to lead by example when our children were smaller by having what I refer to as “reflective dialogues,” which are discussions that center on the inner workings of our minds. This implies that during our chats, we sort through our experiences by examining “Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts”, the four aspects of the mind that underlie behavior.

I have discovered that the inner mental life is frequently lost in the deluge of outside information, both with friends and with patients. This surface attention can be exacerbated by the Internet, which frequently diverts us from engaging more deeply with one another in real time by concentrating on one-way, seemingly endless visual and aural stimuli. If we’re not cautious, these superficial streams of impulses might make us feel as though we’re never finished, never finished, and never accomplished anything. At the surface, we feel empty and depressed.

Despite the allure of the Internet, what can we do to make life at home more linked and life on the road safer with such a clear vision from contemporary science? Here are three easy fixes:

Engage your own “mindsight” circuits.

The “mindsight” circuits that enable us to feel empathy for the inner experiences of others and insight into our own inner lives are activated when we SIFT the mind. Mindsight can help us understand ourselves and other people better. In order to start by making sense of your inner life, it is helpful to start with yourself and understand your own inner world.

Turn off the gadget and turn toward each other.

Reflective conversations with friends and family, among others, allow us to delve into each person’s inner existence, share the SIFTing of our brains, and discover significance in the relationship. That is a dialogue between two individuals, an engaging encounter that delves deeper to reveal the inner life of the mind.

Focus on reflective dialogues with those around you.

The brain is shaped by the things we pay attention to. The idea that we will have a better understanding of who we are if we can have more introspective conversations that activate our mindsight circuitry is supported by science. And perhaps, just possibly, we’ll have gained an inner clarity that will increase the likelihood that we won’t be so desperate to answer that text or call while speeding down the road. Everyone would benefit greatly from that shift.